Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Pet Cemetary

Its been a long time since I've posted. Don't blame me. Ok, blame me. But also blame the corporate slave masters who've chained me to the conference room from where I'm penning this down.

I'm currently attending an extremely boring (and that is the understatement of the year) session on SAP. Infact, the session is so boring that:

1. The speaker's colleague nodded off to sleep 37 minutes after the start
2. The speaker himself headed out to get caffeine during the break because he realized he was delivering his presentation under the influence of sleep

Somebody, please drive a knife through my heart. It'll be so much kinder than having to bear this torture chamber any longer. A meal followed by a monologue by this sleep-inducing man in darkened conference room are not my idea of a fun post-lunch activities.

My brain is sluggish and I don't know what this man is saying anymore. Something about client ID, session, process and a bunch of acronyms like SD, BD, SM, PA that mean nothing to any of the attendees. Well, I've got a bunch of acronyms that do. How's MC, BC sound to you old guy?

Ok brain, 57 minutes more. I promise that if you do this for me, I'll give you your heart's desire (Ok, that sounds wrong. How can a brain have a heart's desire?). OK brain, basically you can have your fill of oxygen.

My mind wanders in a bid for survival. It latches on to the first mildly amusing thought that comes to it. And that brings me to the wildlife sanctuary of chaos that is my house these days.

A pack of street dogs constantly wander the lane outside my house. They are very loud. Always. But because I've known them since they were pups (infact I think I may even have observed their conception), I have a soft spot for them. However that does not mean that I'm ok with their excitable barks at all hours of the day and night. I know they mean well and are playing guard and all, but what are a couple of burglaries compared to uninterrupted hours of sleep or phone conversations? Atleast the burglaries give the neighbourhood a reason to get together and talk.

And then there are the monkeys. A couple of them climbed out to our balconey a few evenings ago. Now here is something we all wish to see when we return home from a stressful day at work - a bunch of monkeys in the balconey, one sitting on the rose pot scratching its buttocks. Two grooming themselves on the clothesline. And one making a meal out of my pink lacey thingies. So atleast the last one had good taste.

If you remember, there was also a cat that had taken over my house once. His progeny stalk around these days.

And NOW, we have a pet lizard. How did I end up getting one of those? Well, during the mating season, we got a baby lizard who never learnt how to climb walls like most self-respecting lizards. Yours truly being petrified of anything that crawls never quite learnt to be fond of "Lizzie", but my mother ofcourse found it "cute" (belch) to see this lizard crawling around eating up all the insects. So now Lizzie has made the foyer her permanent abode. A few evenings ago mum came to me and started telling me how Lizzie was sitting there and staring at mum. My mother sounded almost affectionate (!) and I felt as thought I'd suddenly acquired a bug for a sibling or something. I warned mum that if she continued talking to the lizard like that, the lizard's likely to get fond of her. And guess what happened? I was right. I now have a lizard who scurries away at the sound of my footsteps, but sits and just swishes her tail when mum walks near her.

The lizard has developed an identity crisis. I think she thinks she's a dog! The other day, I swear, I caught her wagging her tail at mum. So now we have this lizard that follows my mum around the house and wags her tail. In fact tonight, this rain bug came and landed near mum's foot. Lizzie jumped out from behind the couch and ate the bug up. Loyalty people. Another doggie trait.

I found a solution to my dilema though. Mum's come to fear Lizzie's devotion finally. Especially since I told her that Lizzie may start wanting to lick her now to express affection.

Peace prevails.