Monday, August 15, 2005

If Wishes Were Horses...

Its been some time since I've last posted. My only excuse is a perpetual haze I've been in since last Monday. You see we had an HR Forum at work.

I can imagine the snickers all around from the seasoned MNC workers reading this :-)

See every couple of months, HR realizes they've missed the employee touch point figure for the quarter, so they rush to secure a conference room, and then send all of us meeting requests. They choose to do this at the last possible minute, so that if we were planning on leaving office on time, we will most certainly not be able to.

This time was no different.

Among the concerns that are always raised without fail are transport (since we work in the MNC hub of Gurgaon), salaries (which are about 25% lesser than the industry average), food (which really really sucks and can have another blog dedicated to it), and finally transport (yes, it really does matter that much). If you don't believe me, check this.

I remember one such forum, where the HR rep, for one hour replied every query with a single answer, "Please mail the HR helpdesk". I don't know why he took an hour to do that. He could've just sent a bulk mailer to the team. Definitely more efficient.

This latest one had a manager conducting it. For every question, he would comment "I know. I know. I understand." He would then proceed to make a big show of writing down in his diary. I am yet to see the diary. For all I know, he was making naked doodles of his audience. Actually that probably is the most likely occurence, since he kept smiling strangely from time to time. Then again you never know, HR does breathe a different air from us lesser mortals.

I wonder if this was what their parents paid lakhs to get them into MBA schools for. Correct me if I'm wrong, but do XLRI, Tata, or IIM teach courses like Dealing with Employees 101 - The Art of the Evasive Answer, 206 - Managing Attrition - How to know when you can negotiate no more. Or is it just a separate training session that all MNCs conduct?

Speaking of attrition reminds me, how the figures have really shot up recently. Believe me, there are folks in my team, who actually want to live above the poverty line, so they get REAL jobs that PAY. And believe me - management doesn't believe that! They think people are leaving because their husbands get jobs in Khazakastan (yea, right, if you believe that you'll believe anything), or their mothers-in-law want them to attend every Lamaze class.

In fact, things got so bad, an enterprising colleague suggested that we simply put up a drop box for resignations next to the one that takes medical bills. I think its an idea that warrants action. Think of the money it would save.

I had photographs of a recent office trip developed. And there's a picture of one of the bosses checking out the message on a girl's T-shirt (wink wink, you get the picture). Think of money I could make.

I hit back work tomorrow after 3 days of shortlived bliss. I felt the need to spew all the bitterness out here, so I can go back to the rat race, with a smile on my lips, and a spring in my steps.

How many of you will do the same? Can you image the number of drones that will be droning about in Gurgaon tomorrow. It boggles the mind.

For those who may want to know. The boyfriend got back. He got me Calvin Klein Eternity (all the ladies say "awwwwwwww..."), and vowed that he missed me. Just in time too. I had finished that book I picked up at the sale and there's no saying what may have happened next.