Saturday, March 31, 2007

Honeymoon from Hell

Hey everyone. Actually after a hiatus of well over 5 months, I wonder how many of my old readers actually bother checking back this blog. But well, if you do, thats nice! So what have I done in these past few months...lets see, I got married, went on a honeymoon, tried to pack 25 years of life in India into 3 suitcases and 1 backpack, moved countries, tried and still trying to settle into my new life in Canada (or Ceh-neh-dah as I really like to call it, with full janani accent)!

While I've been somewhat caught up, and frankly devoid of much inspiration, I thought its about time I get back into the game. As I am typing infact, I realize how much I've missed this. My alternate life. The ability to come here and spew out whatever the hell is bothering me, and in the process, finding somehow, the sense of humour in it.

For anyone who has ever been married, trust me, you know, there is a lot of humour to be found in the wedding and everything that follows. Not because its all haha-hehe, but simply because if you didn't take it in good humour, you wouldn't be able to take it at all!

So to start things off, I thought I'd share vignettes of my honeymoon with you. No you filthy bastards, it wasn't a hidden camera. It was one out in the open. The camera handywork is my husband's and mine. Yes. Yes. On our honeymoon, this is what we were doing in our hotel room. Taking photos of it. Scroll down, and you'll see why.

Ofcourse, if one is on a honeymoon in winters, one doesn't need room heaters...that seems to be the idea why this monstrosity was in our room! Look at it!! It looks like the previous occupant used the heater to keep warm by setting it on fire. That's pretty much the only way this thing could work! Not to mention the fact that its propped up on a plug. Check the front left side. See! See!!

And when we decided to risk switching on the heater shown above, we came to the switchboard. Now, who in their right minds would actually TOUCH this??

You would think this looks pretty normal right? But wait till you check the wall below caught in this shot:

It was WET. Frigging wet. I kid you not. Perhaps the reason why my new husband found me wearing 2 pairs of rubber slippers (his and mine), holding a stick, to turn the heater on every night. Not the sexiest image mind you, but I think I'll withhold comment on the merited sexiness of electrocution.

If you thought this was bad, you should've seen our bathroom. When I first entered the room, I wondered where this strange sewery smell was emanating from, till I saw the damn pot. Here it is for your viewing pleasure alone:

And doesn't that just cap it. But wait, before I sign off, and I promise this time, I'll come back more regularly, because I want are two images we could see only in India (damn I miss home). The first is self-explanatory:

Glistening buttock of buffalo. A sight one can see only on the highways of north India. Don't miss the dead squashed bugs on the windshield. Isn't that awesome!! The buffalo I mean...Look at it...their butts are actually shining!!!

And finally, I spotted this in the airport at Indore and I HAD to take a photo. Observe carefully. Behind the motley crew of baniya uncles from Indore, travelling to Delhi on business, on the wall, there are some boards and some doors...the boards signify the various entry points.

Toilets - Under this is the door for toilet, or latrine, as we all like to call them. Its an unmarked door. Enter at your own risk.
Drinking water - Under this board, one can see the drinking water cooler clearly. Ofcourse the fact that its just next to the latrine, is a bit if a turn off, but still, you can see it.
Gents toilet - Under this board, you can see some sort of entry, to what - I assume its the gents toilet..oops, I mean latrine (shee...that word...doesn't it sound dirty?)
Ladies toilet - Look under this board people - its a WALL. This is what the women of India get to pee on. A wall!! I think the MP government got just a little confused when designing the lavatory area between the genders.

And THIS is exactly what happens when the state that has Khajuraho in it, bans sex education in their schools.


PizzaDude said...

Congratz on the Wedding :)

Haa Haa Haa :)) Buffalo and its shiny butt.. ROTFL
I too hate the "L-word" Yikes!! Its kinda gross!!

silverine said...


Honemoon from hell is such an apt title!!! The shiny buffalo butt and ladies toilet he he he am cracking up here =))

p.s good to have you back!

Lalit Singh said...

Welcome back!!!
Honeymoon from hell indeed. Those damp walls , room heater, toilets work better than any contraceptive towards birthcontrol.

Anonymous said...


Welcome back - believe me I had been an avid reader of your blog and nice to see you back in action.

That was really a Honeymoon from Hell - wishing you a wonderful honeymoon next time (with the same person - what did you think!!)


If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

pizzadude: thanks man. the "L" word is right up there with words like "chaddi" and "nanga"...esp "nanga"...that word sounds dirty.

silverine: its good to be back girl!

lalit singh: oh hell ya...not to mention, my mom went and bought me these pink cotton pyjamas. the oversized t shirt was bubble gum pink, and the full length pyjamas had dark pink hearts on them. then she bought me birth control pills. felt like telling her "i don't need the pills. the pyjamas are enough" - i mean, i wudn't touch myself in those!!

anonymous: hey sam, am v glad some of the regulars were still dropping by. aahh..i ve missed writing. we were actually planning to go for our second honeymoon on the long easter weekend, but now we are going to go spend it with the in-law instead! isn't that just fine :))))

Fleiger said...

Your description makes your honeymoon look like an "electrifying" experience. ;)

Taking photos of your room on honeymoon? Hmm...

Nice to have you back. Remember to keep your promises.

Anonymous said...

see my comment on your previous post... I told that you will be back in 6 months.... shoot.. I was off by 1 month.
anyways, glad that you are back, and sorry that honeymoon did'nt last for 6 months :-)

mathew said... much humour out of a tragedy...enjoyed reading it..

If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

Fleiger: thanks! yea this time am determined to stay on!!

anonymous: i hate being predictable! but hey thanks for commenting for a honeymoon, after this last one, i shudder at the very word!!

matthew: thanks man!

Fleiger said...


Couldn't help noticing...

as for a honeymoon, after this last one, i shudder at the very word!!
"after this last one"? Curious...

Anonymous said...

heyyy girl...this was funny!!! good to see u back!!! :))) and howz ceh-nee-dah treating you?? :))

luv' poornima (friend & ex-colleague "in case u forgot") :P

If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

fleiger: if i tell ya, i'll have to kill ya :-))) how original was that!!

anonymous: how can i forget u poorni darling.. ur the reason i stayed in india as long as i cud! come back to north america! plzzzzzzz. i miss u

shruti said...

hilarious ...but one q ..why honeymoon in such a place???

that girl in pink said...

hey! congrats on the shaadi and all! i'm curious to know, where did you go for your honeymoon?!

and that pic of the ladies toilet board...sigh, it would be funny if it weren't so bloody sad! indian loos are particularly tough on women.

Kusum Rohra said...

You are back!!!YAY!!

Shiny buffalo butts!! Ah! I missed you.

Anonymous said...

Buddy...U rock!!!! :-)
Keep blogging..and more frequently plz