The Great Indian Arranged Matrimony

Last weekend, I was seized by the desire to grab a pizza, so the boyfriend and I hit Pizza Hut on Saturday night. I was curious about the whole" Freshiza" ad campaign that Pizza Hut is running, and how apparently the dough for these pizzas is made every morning. Bad marketing idea. Coz I was very tempted to ask the host if that meant all other non-Freshizia pizzas are stale...

Anyway, at some point of time, a family came and sat next to us. One veeerrrryyyy huge Punju aunty, with her hubby. One somewhat thinner and very worried looking aunty with her hubby.

Fat Punju aunty: I really can't climb the stairs coz it hurts my back
Worried aunty: Yes, yes, (nodding and bobbing her head nervously)

Surprisingly, Fat aunty was quite agile for her girth, and managed to settle in her seat easily. Worried aunty rubbed her bum against the protuding handle of our pan more than once. That was till boyfriend got all irritated and worried about losing the last 2 slices of pizza and moved it to the other side of our table. I thought maybe they were out on a double date. But then they were joined by 2 younger men (Fat guy, Thin Guy), and a young lady (smiling shyly, playing with edge of dupatta)....

Aaaaahhhh!! that's when it dawned on us, that this outing was not a mere "hog punjtalian food" session. It was the Great Indian Arranged Matrimony at the very first stages.

The girl was smiling demurely at both men. I wasn't sure if she was supposed to do that coz it got very confusing for me. I mean, was it that she could choose, that she was keeping her options open, or was it like a buy one get one free situation.

Their weird stilted convo continued till half an hour. We got dirty looks when we laughed and held hands (aaj kal ke ashleen bacchhe). But we decided to stick on and see how it ends. By then we had figured out the players also. Worried aunty must be ladki-ki-maa...but these days, you never know.

Within half an hour, the once-demure princess was looking bored through her skull. Fat guy was trying to pick a piece of olive or tomato, or some half-masecated food item from between his teeth. And thin guy was just too busy talking about himself! What a disaster. I laughed and thanked my stars that I would never go through that. Atleast I hope I don't.

I can remember other such boy meet girl disasters. Once in my family, boy came to see girl, and instead liked her cousin. After that incident, all girl cousins (we're 12 of us) have been banned from making an appearance when one of the girls is being showcased. If the guy regrets later, its too late, and that gives his wife (the sister) emotional blackmail advantage over him for eternity.

We used to have a Bong landlord. And when a guy came to see their daughter, his parents wanted to see her feet (yes yes...i tell the truth). They also wanted to examine her calves and her hair...I dunno why, but it felt like she was a prize-winning heifer they were planning on purchasing for the mating season. Apparently this is traditional bong behaviour.

I can just see myself carrying a tray to a drawing room. I'd probably trip over my saree. If the guy's useless, I'd probably burp, and fart. And if he's hot, I'd probably, wink, and bite my lower lip enticingly. And that ladies and gentlemen should send them packing away for good!

By the way, thanks for the awesome feedback. Its not just fun and encouraging, I am also learning a lot (butch gays et al)