Foot in the Mouth Disease

(For those who've just tuned in, this is the second in a series of entries about highly unadvisable things to say around offices, and as you'll discover, other seemingly benign places like the neighbourhood vegetable vendor)

To start off, I bumped into a senior from college on Sunday evening in a yuppie market. She ended our brief conversation by saying, "It was great banging into you." "Gee thanks", I said. "Pleasures all mine", almost went through, but I stopped it in time, as I did the smirk on my face.

Monday evening at the neighbourhood veggie shop, where all the fruits and vegetables were set out, with prices prominently displayed, a woman walked up to the vendor and said, "Kela dikhao". Eh?

Among the other things I heard last week -

1. "Sir, I am holding it for you" - Benetton salesman to a friend about a couple of suits he had reserved for him ahead of a trip to the US.
2. My vendor again called me and said, "I am working on it at my end." I believe I should guide him to this blog.
3. Some one at Church actually said, "The ladies will be discarding clothing of all kind ahead of the fete." I have a strange feeling, he wanted to bang his head into the wall (pun totally unintended) when this statement would've replayed in his head.
4. My favourite pub introduced a new cocktail called "Harvey Ballbanger". Now, "Screaming Orgasm", "Sex on the Beach", "Cum Soon" I had gotten used to, but really "...Ballbanger". Now that's original.
5. Someone from Corporate Communications at work recently described a colleague as "All fart no shit". I'd never heard those words being used together in that way before.
6. Apart from that, the funniest stuff I've read was left behind by readers on the comments section of the last blog.

To cap the week, on Friday, we were told to get into the spirit of Diwali at office. You know, decorate your bays, dress in sarees, kurta pajaymas etc. Part of an urban phenomenon that got played across MNC offices all over Noida, Gurgaon and Delhi. So anyway, we had women turn up in pretty sarees. Lots of different blouses. Some deep down the front. Some deep down the back. Some deep at both locations. Yours truly played it safe in a suit. Wearing a saree, and travelling even in an office bus does not cut it for me. Either the saree would've reached, or I would've. Worst still, I could've had a Draupadi-like situation, with the bus door and the seat edges to blame. My team was totally not in the spirit of decorating our bays. The other folks however, were much more enthusiastic. They had floating candles, rangoli, streamers, and best of all, rows upon rows of marigold strings. So much so, it resembled more a suhagraat set, than a corporate stronghold.

Saturday evening, I caught Legend of Zorro. Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta Jones have about as much chemistry this time around as 2 asexual sponges at the bottom of the ocean. Anyway, the movie ended at about 6, and I headed back home, to get dressed again, and go out for a college gang get-together. Now, the last time I had caught up with everyone, there had been blasts at the movie halls, and we had all been at Priya. You can imagine my surprise when just as we were all about to step out of home, my boss called me up to inform me about the 3 blasts in Delhi. Needless to say, the plan was cancelled for the evening.

I feel horrid for everyone who lost family during the festival season. As for Delhi, I must say, this city has a capability to remain un-daunted by just about anything. I mean, the whole "monster in East Delhi" thing a few months back scared Delhities more than the bomb blasts did. While I admire this "get-up-dust-the-knees-live-again" attitude our city has, I still do wish we'd also exhibit some solidarity atleast with people of our own city. I mean, half an hour after the blasts, folks around where I live starting bursting crackers! Getting back to life, I get, this flagrant dis-regard I dont. NDTV has starting a campaign to light a diya at 8 PM tonight to express this solidarity. I have my light. I hope everyone else does too.

As for the terrorists who thought they'd get us to "shit bricks" as a colleague succintly puts it, "UP YOURS".