From the mouths of ...

I used to thoroughly enjoy the outake shots at the end of all Jackie Chan movies. You know, where they show him struggling to remember a dialogue, and then the whole crew laughs. Or like when he somersaults backwards from the 89th floor of a building, while escaping from iron chains, and then they show him crack his skull open, be taken to the hospital and all that.

Life has plenty of such bloopers. Here is an example of items heard around office.

During casual/official conversations that turn interesting or aggravating -

1. "Oh teri ben&#$&&^#%&#" (since I work in North India, this should require no translation)
2. "Or teri ma&#$&&^#%&#" (since I work in North India, this should require no translation)
(Notice, that men are never referred to, while mommies and didis most often are)

During lunch -

1. While eating vegetable kofta curry/vegetable munchurian:
a. "These balls are hard"
b. "These balls taste bad"
c. "These balls are raw"
d. "These balls are too big"
(Notice, how any sentence with the word "ball" in it begins to sound dirty. For instance, telling someone with a slow mouse to "Clean the ball yaar")

In formal e-mails -

1. To client: "I assure you that we will try and satisfy you with our full rage of services"; alternatively, "Its working at my end"
2. To vendor: "You need to improve things at your end"
(Notice again, that usage of the terms "my end" and "your end" may sound formal, but really aren't

Here are some of the winners from last week at my office -

1. To the functional manager during a presentation he was making - "So, how long is your thing?"
2. My client teasing me about my vertically-challenged frame (he's 6 feet 5 inces, i'm 5 feet, no inches) - "You'll fit right between my legs"
3. Male client to me while asking for help with a laptop bag - "will you unzip it for me"
4. Senior Manager to me - "Did you cum yesterday"; alternatively, "Are you cuming?"

And fnally, the GRAND PRIZE goes to -

Male colleague in cab, when 2 more women sitting at the back with us, finally left, giving us much needed leg space - "Now you can spread your legs"!!